shiva

shiva

“Sitting shiva” refers to the period when Jewish mourners observe traditional mourning practices following the death of a loved one. During shiva, mourners may sit on low stools or boxes while receiving visitors and condolences. The term comes from this practice and symbolizes the mourner being “brought low” in grief.

For seven days, beginning after the burial, family members typically gather in one location—often their own home or the home of the deceased—to mourn and reflect. Observances can vary, with some being strictly traditional and others interpreted more liberally. Below are some common traditional practices.

Staying at Home

During shiva, mourners generally refrain from work and avoid celebratory events such as parties, concerts, or movies. The purpose is to focus on grief and allow time for healing without distractions.

Sitting on a Low Chair

Mourners may sit on low stools or boxes as a symbol of humility and the emotional “lowering” that comes with loss.

Covered Mirrors

Mirrors in a Shiva home are often covered. This practice discourages focus on personal appearance during mourning. During this time, some may avoid wearing makeup, shaving, or new clothing, and in some cases, shoes are not worn inside the home.

Memorial Candle

A tall candle, which burns for the seven days of shiva, is often kept in the home to honor the deceased.

Mourner Attire

Mourners typically wear a torn black ribbon or garment, known as keriah (kriah), symbolizing the tear in their heart. During shiva, mourners wear this torn garment, but no public signs of mourning are observed on Shabbat, High Holy Days, or festivals.

Prayer Services

Prayers are recited to honor the deceased, celebrate their life, and support the mourners. Common prayers include the Mourner’s Kaddish and the Prayer of Mercy (Kel Maleh Rachamim).

Ritual Cleansing

After returning from the cemetery, a pitcher of water may be placed at the door for hand washing. This symbolizes purification after attending the burial.

Observances on Shabbat and Festivals

• Shabbat: Public mourning practices are suspended, though private observances remain. Certain rituals such as wearing the torn garment, avoiding leather shoes, and other mourning practices are not performed on Shabbat.
• Festivals: If a festival begins during shiva, the seven-day shiva is paused and only the laws of Shloshim (the thirty-day mourning period) are observed afterward. This applies to holidays like Passover, Shavuot, Sukkot, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur.

Missed Shiva

If someone forgot to observe shiva or learned of the laws later, it is still possible to sit shiva within 30 days of the burial, although keriah may not be performed except for parents.

Learning Torah

During shiva, joyous Torah study is generally avoided, but learning laws of mourning, ethical texts, or consolation verses is permitted. Teaching Torah as a profession may continue if no substitute is available.

Marital Relations, Grooming, and Cosmetics

• Marital relations are prohibited during shiva, even on Shabbat or holidays.
• Washing or bathing is limited, as full-body washing is considered pleasurable. Cold water may be used for necessary cleaning.
• Cosmetics are generally not worn during shiva, though rules vary based on marital status and timing.

Haircuts, Shaving, and Nail Care

• Haircuts and shaving are avoided during shiva.
• Nail trimming is prohibited with clippers but may be done using fingers, teeth, or a knife.

Laundry and Clothing

Mourners avoid laundering or wearing freshly laundered clothing, except for special circumstances like Shabbat or soiled garments.

Footwear

Leather shoes, a symbol of comfort, are not worn during shiva, though non-leather shoes may be permitted. In some cases, leather shoes may be worn outside and removed upon returning home.

Who Observes Shiva?

Shiva is traditionally observed for a parent, sibling, child, or spouse.